During my stay in Japan, I observed a lot of fortune-telling in Tokyo. I write “observed” because I found it difficult to get my own fortune told given that my Japanese extends no further than, “bīru, kudasai” – one beer, please. I write “difficult” because it is a nice way of saying that I was…
“Fate has brought us together for a reason, so I need you to listen and take note. It is your call whether you want to fuck up your life though.”
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My late teens left me in a state of constant wander about what the universe had in store for me. Instead of following my…
Using my tweed blazer, online degree from the University of Metaphysical Sciences, and superior height, I convinced three of the mugs I was living with to follow me into a Balinese forest and summon up spirits.
They believe I can read minds. This is half because I keep saying I can, and half because I…
I run my fingers across the blue lettering that reads ‘Clear Blue Pregnancy Test’. It's 8:53. I’ll have to wait another whole minute until the pregnancy test reveals the answer. I'm going to bring a baby into this world with a boy who sleeps on a pullout couch and smokes bongs for breakfast.
The psychic’s…