Berlin is easily Germany’s hippest and most socially-progressive city, with its derelicte fashion, high youth unemployment rate and oversexualised culture making it the ideal hobo destination. Because the city never sleeps, it’s literally impossible to get bored here, even if you’re as poor as we are. When the sun is up, take a dip in Badeschiff, the avant-garde swimming pool that floats on the River Spree; pack a picnic and head to the evergreen Tiergarten to perve on the naked sunbakers; attend a burlesque life drawing class on a rooftop or run around a creepy abandoned amusement park. In terms of nightlife, Berlin’s offerings are more diverse than the contents of a late-night döner kebap, with some venues not getting busy until around 6am. If you know where to look, you can sip booze from blood transfusion bags, dance around a fire at a beach bar before cooling off in a luminescent pool and even get gropey with strangers in dark rooms at exclusive sex clubs. Berliners take their food seriously too, with the national afternoon pastime being kaffee und kuchen (coffee and cake). Those who prefer to clog their arteries with fat will be delighted to discover an Imbiss on every street corner. Berlin even has its own form of vegemite – currywurst – which is simply a hotdog drenched in curry powder. We’ll let you decide whether you love or hate it…

As John F Kennedy once said in the midst of the Cold War, “Ich bin ein Berliner!” Only don’t say that, because it translates to I am a jam donut.

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