Ah Paris – the city of lights; the city of love; the city of lots of expensive shit. So how does a stingy young hobo expect to survive in such an exorbitant and extraordinarily popular city? True, Paris can be pretty pricey, but there’s good reason why the city is constantly bustling with tourists and travellers from all over the place, even us grubby hobos. Luckily, visits to some of the world’s most recognised landmarks, say the Eiffel Tower or Notre Dame Cathedral, can cost a sum total of exactly 0€.

And due to the lax drinking laws in France, it’s reasonably acceptable to plonk your hobo arse on a park bench and crack a cold one, straight from le supermarché. Just make sure you’ve rid yourself of the evidence before the alcohol begins to work its wonders – the coppers will turn a blind eye to an open beer can, but if you get too pissed and try to burn down the Arc de Triomphe, they’ll definitely still throw you in the paddy-wagon.

The bars are not gonna be cheap, regardless of where you go, so probably best to repeat the steps in the previous paragraph a couple of times before you head out on the town, unless you want to be saying au revoir to your pitiful life savings. The Metro is efficient as fuck, but if you don’t speak French, it can be a tiny bit confusing. Asking for directions in English can get you the occasional look of disgust, but if you make an effort to ask in French, the Parisians’ benevolence will warm your heart more than the weather ever could.

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