If Britain Leaves the EU, What’s In It For You?
On June 23rd, the UK and its citizens will vote on whether Britain as a nation should remain in the EU.
Unlikely alliances have formed in the national cabinet as Britain’s reptilian overlord David Cameron tries to avoid getting Jon Snow’d by senior members of his own party for opposing separation from the EU (aka “Brexit“) alongside leader of the opposition Jeremy Corbyn. Meanwhile, Boris “I-can’t-tell-the-difference-between-football-and-rugby” Johnson has been a key force behind the “vote-leave” campaign, and with one eye firmly on becoming the United Kingdom’s next Lord Commander, a win would demonstrate another frightening victory for pot-bellied-caterpillar-headed-racist elitists worldwide (see: Donald Trump).
As you might expect, apathy is abound as nobody really wants to side with anybody, because everybody sucks.
So what does this all mean for the average antipodean hobo? Half the time, it can be difficult enough giving a fuck about your own nation’s elections and referendums, so why should you care about what’s going on in the colonial motherland? Well, seeing Britain exit from the EU could have some interesting ripple effects for its Commonwealth counterparts.
If Britain stays in the EU
If Britain choose to remain in the EU, not a whole lot is gonna change. The two-year working holiday for Aussies and Kiwis will remain, and the only significant change is irrelevant to Brexit and already came about in April, when it was ruled that antipodeans are no longer exempt from the Immigration Health Surcharge. Basically, it means you’re forking out about an extra two hundred quid a year to live in the UK.
If Britain leaves the EU
If Britain chooses to not remain in the EU, this would present many young travelling Brits with some fairly distinct pros and cons. For young travelling Aussies and Kiwis, it’s pretty much just pros.
Should Britain leave, freedom of movement and travel for Brits within the EU’s borderless system would presumably be maintained, without need for visas or 10 different slips of paperwork. Working and residency rights, however, would be heavily restricted, and one would assume British citizens would receive much the same treatment as their Aussie counterparts.
But in response to this, Boris and co. suggest a new wolf pack of sorts be formed, a union created amongst several Commonwealth countries, namely the UK, Canada, New Zealand and Australia. Boris reckons that after he tells Europe to get fucked, the UK should and will create a “migration zone” with the aforementioned nations, eliminating barriers to live and work across the countries, whilst simultaneously proving that Queen Lizzy is still more of a successful adhesive device to sovereign nations than the European Human Rights Convention.
Brits will be let loose in NZ, free to run amok and shag sheep for as long as they like. Kiwis will indefinitely find affordable ways to acquire both types of white powder whilst carving their way through the Canadian mountains. The Canucks will learn that being polite and the use of the word “cunt” are not mutually exclusive down under. And Aussies will be able to flood the streets of London without having to sidestep Buckingham Palace for fears of being deported.
Though none of this is a certainty – only a possibility – it should morph into a strong probability if Brexit becomes a reality. Recent polls suggest that the idea has been met with an overwhelming amount of support amongst Kiwis, Canadians and Aussies, with UK citizens being kind of vaguely into it, sort of like how Kanye West looks every time he’s featured on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
And so what can you do about it? Sweet fuck all, to be honest. Unless you’re a British citizen, you don’t get much of a say in the matter. But if you’re planning on making movements in the next few months, change could be abound. Basically, it depends whether the Brits are be willing to sign the divorce papers on a 43 year union. It might pay to keep an eye on the conclusions of our commonwealth comrades in the weeks to come.
Cover by McArdle’s5