The Hobo Guide to Travelling Europe for Bronwyn Bishop
Bronwyn Bishop, also known as the woman behind the burqa ban, has managed to rack up a $90,000 bill on a two-week trip to Europe. Naturally, the Australian public, famous for being so fond of cask wine as to nickname it goon, aren’t super stoked. Bronners is in some serious trouble and has been placed on probation (whatever that means), so we figured we would give her a few pointers on how to mooch off the Australian public discreetly so she can pass this symbolic sentencing with flying colours that will carry her from Melbourne to Geelong.
Food and Accommodation
Bishop racked up a huge $25,000 food and accommodation bill. We suggest she switches whatever delicacies cost that much to the cuisine that can be found via dumpster diving. While it’s unlikely she will stumble across some caviar, we have had huge success in finding Krispy Kremes. As for accommodation, why doesn’t Bron have a crack at couch surfing? We’re sure with her $341,000 annual salary, she’d have some sweet digs and a pretty soft couch, so she’s guaranteed to have a few good references.
Bronwyn spent a whopping $42,000 on airfares. To be honest, even if she went wild in the duty-free booze section, we’re not even sure how this is possible. If she’s heading back to Europe, we recommend she jumps on buses, trains and ferries to get around. If she physically must fly, she should check out Skyscanner to find a cheaper flight, but clear her cookies ‘cause those assholes smell desperation and jack up the price every time you visit.
At this point, it shouldn’t be surprising that Bishop spent $1000 a day to be driven around in a private limousine. Have you heard of Busabout, Bronners? They’re pretty good to get around, or better yet, try your luck at hitchhiking.
By making these small changes, Bronners’ bill would drop dramatically, leaving tax dollars for important stuff like health, education and city fountains filled with goon.
Cover by Helicoptours