Cologne: The Bird
Get There: Aachener Strasse 9
Admit it- sometimes you just can’t stomach another free hostel breakfast. Especially if said breakfast is nothing but toast and you are wearing a dirty hangover from the night before. If you happen to find yourself in Cologne feeling a little dusty after one too many 2-euro beers, I have found the perfect place for you to eat your feelings: The Bird. Exposed brick décor and soft lighting ensure your pale hung-over face doesn’t scare the waiters and the witty food descriptions on the menu will make you want to try one of everything. Although a little pricier than the standard hobo joint, the burgers are so big and bulging you probably won’t need another meal for two days and therefore you’ll be saving money in the long run. Vegetarians beware: the choices are limited, so either set aside your morals and join in with the carnivores or order lots of sides to compensate. Don’t leave without trying the spicy buffalo chicken wings and whatever you do, don’t try and eat your burger with a knife and fork – the staff will treat you with even more disdain than German locals treat obnoxious tourists with.
Hobo Tip: Learn the words for male and female in German, otherwise you might find yourself accidentally trying to pee in a male bathroom and having to endure the judgment of the German natives. Even if you try to cover up your mistake with a casual: “I was just checking out the décor in the male bathrooms” face.
Berlin: Bei Schlawinchen 24-hour Dive Bar