How Not to Make Friends in Dorms
We’ve all had our fair share of 20-bed dorms. You have a stare-off with your travel buddy in a battle for the bottom bunk (I’d totes be all for the top bunk, but it seems my budget doesn’t cater for hostels that provide a ladder to the top bed…) whilst simultaneously scanning the room for potential friends/sexual partners. Unlike the male brain, my female brain still has some standards when I’m travelling. There are some qualities that separate a hobo from another annoying Australian (those ones you thought you got away from).
- While always being a huge supporter of “the more the merrier”, when someone goes backpacking with a suitcase, I embrace my inner independent black woman and let out a, “OH HEEEEEEEEEELL NO!” While they’re usually really great people and are always down to buy you a drink (definition of great), they seem to also always be in an unbreakable wolf pack of white-gal besties who will continually question how you get by with just a backpack and are genuinely worried about how you’re going to last four seasons with a quarter of the shit that they packed. I’d suggest minesweeping their fancy cocktails and going to party with that guy with stains and rips all through his shirt: he has better conversation topics than the girls you had to put up with all through high school.
- You just went on this really cool hike that leads you to a look out of the whole city? Oh – I couldn’t tell from the rank socks that are hanging around the rail over MY bed! I was peachy keen to sleep with you until you burnt out my nostrils – way to kill the vibe dude. Don’t be that guy.
- I also don’t support those who tell me to “shoosh” at 3am when I can’t figure out what door my key card fits, let alone which way the little fucker goes in! (What happened, old-fashioned keys? I’m done with this futuristic technology.) So cut me a little slack when I curse the key card and the world a little too loud for your liking. Maybe you could have just opened the door for me instead of letting me struggle for a good half hour.
- I find these are also the people who complain when someone eats their pizza they left in the fridge. After a while, you learn from experience that people who travel get drunk, they lose all their morals, they get hungry and, as a result, will ignorantly eat that whole pizza you were saving for the next day’s lunch and will feel like an absolute ninja when they get away with it. I’ll be honest and admit that I have been in these exact situations before and maybe you will too one day, so don’t sook about it. Dog eat dog world, yo.
Though all these factors are a real turn off to me, a friend is a friend, and travelling teaches you put up with things that don’t float your boat. You can’t be picky when you’re trotting the globe, but you can avoid having to create an excuse as to why you can’t go grab a drink with your room mate that just openly admitted he was going to kiss you tonight (uh yeah, I was going to consider letting you do so, until now). I would suggest the gastro excuse. No one will even try to persuade you once you mention the word diarrhea.