I woke up on the 1st of January this year in a double bed spooning two of my friends in their dad’s apartment in a small town just out of Sydney. I’d spent New Year’s Eve doing the coffee table dance competition with my top four Myspace friends after the COVID restriction hammer was dropped…
"I need to buy some bin bags to shit in or there'll be an explosion in the night," said my fiancé of one month, roughly three-and-a-half minutes after we’d packed our life's possessions (and dreams) into our little commuter van.
This suddenly brought to my simple mind a question. Do you really know the person…
This is a tale of how five young boys took on the corporate giants, putting the no-questions-asked refund policy of Wal-Mart to the ultimate test. Could the purchased items survive a three-day festival in the middle of the desert and be returned for a full reimbursement?
There was only one way to find out.
Preparing…
I will never forget the screams of those floating Germans.
There I was, belly up on a scorching tube, drifting down the guts of the Mekong River, when a tiny fish decided to take the toe of a Deutschland-hailing backpacker.
And by take, I mean bite the fuck off.
As I attempted, in vain, to…
“Prost!” Our steins clunk; beer spills over the side and splashes onto my cheap 50-euro dirndl -- but I’m too sloppy to notice.
It’s Oktoberfest in Munich and I’m about 12 steins and three cheese kranskies deep.
Katie’s already lived up to our bogan reputation by spewing into her apron. At least she caught it,…
"Farkkk. Well, there go our winter holiday plans.”
As Gladys announced the NSW-Victorian border closure, I felt my heart sink. It wasn’t unexpected, just another shitty trick in the shocking magic show that has been 2020. I closed my eyes. The spark of hope that had been a planned roadtrip during an otherwise dreary year…
“Tell me something I don’t know,” she said.
We were drinking champagne from the bottle, wearing only bathrobes in the suite of a 19th-century estate turned hotel two hours south of London.
As the alcohol and dopamine coursed through my system, I managed to dig up a fact I’d heard in a science podcast months earlier:…
Cozmoz arrived with his usual perky walk, wearing flip flops that belonged to two different pairs and red plastic shades lifted over his head. He always had them, even at night. We arranged to meet in a small bar run by Italians in one of the side streets of Watamu's centre, because it was the…
Every good road trip starts with a morning after pill. The morning after pill is basically the same as time travel and is particularly good bought from a pharmacy in a one-street town just off the highway three hours inland from Sydney.
The road started to wind as we ate pies and ascended into Kosciuszko…
What’s the most quintessential injury an Aussie can get in Bali?
A scooter accident.
Okay, what’s the second most?
Animal Bite.
What’s the third—actually, forget it.
Picture this, it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon and you’ve just down a beverage called Adios Motherfucker. Sorry, Adios Motherfu*cker. Can’t forget the oddly placed asterisk; it’s honestly charming.…
The policeman sitting behind the desk in the St Julien police station looks too young to have graduated high school. His senior co-workers, clustered in a semi-circle behind him to oversee his report-writing, seem to think the same: good-humouredly teasing him about his pretty eyes and winking to me as they explain that he’s single.…
My upper thighs were aching. We were over an hour in riding on camels, and after smacking my chapped lips, it was clear I was in desperate need of some hydration. Strapped in by harnesses along the side of Wirira, I knew my 1-litre Sidi Ali bottles were not going to be able to quench…