Things Worth Your Attention: Week Ending 15/01/17

Things Worth Your Attention: Week Ending 15/01/17

Is 2017 better than 2016? So far, maybe. This time last year we were already mourning the deaths of David Bowie and Alan Rickman, whereas now, we’re celebrating “Pharma Bro”, Martin Shrkeli, being pegged with dog shit, and the titillating revelation that D Trump probably likes it when Russian hookers slash on him. But more on that later.

Here’s the first instalment of Things Worth Your Attention for 2017: A New Hope.*

Yes, your government hates you if you’re Australian and not rich, and it’s safe to assume that most of you fit this profile. The Coalition has employed, and refuse to repeal, a “sling shit at a wall and see what sticks” method of recouping welfare debts. As if it was bad enough that some of society’s worst-off receive news just before Christmas that they are in debt, many of them actually weren’t — the government just couldn’t be bothered working out who owed them what, so they sent debt collection letters en masse knowing that some who received them would owe money, and for those who didn’t, they could dispute the claim, or call the included phone number for a suicide help call centre, as if tacitly admitting that this policy would fuck lives.

Meanwhile, those very same pricks who were actively trying to ruin poor people’s already-terrible financial situations have been caught using taxpayer bucks to fund lavish lifestyles. They’re all mad for it, with a bunch of the bastards being sprung using public cheddar to attend Malcolm Turnbull’s doubtlessly boring NYE party (what a deadset waste of cash), Julie Bishop used our hard-grafted kev to go to a goddamn polo match, while Susan Ley flew numerous times to the Gold Coast glitter strip to buy an apartment, eventually resigning from her position as health minister because she done gone fucked up. Meanwhile, barely-animated fossil and helicopter hustler Bronwyn Bishop came to Suzie’s defence by bizarrely blaming socialists for regular Australians rightfully being outraged. It seems like Australian politicians’ disconnect from their constituents is approaching critical mass and surely a revolution is ripe. Who’s with us? A travelling revolution that will drain the intelligence and tax dollars needed to fund these fucks’ relentless piss taking. We’ll meet you in Bali.

The fruit couldn’t hang any lower, but Pauline Hanson and One Nation continue to be a relentless tragedy of errors, with two of their state government nominees in Queensland coming unstuck for homophobic and/or just straight wacko social media proclamations. The “good Asian” homophobe Shan Ju Lin was asked to step down, while Port Arthur Massacre denier, Peter Rogers, handed in his resignation, proving again that One Nation has no real party base, or minimum moral standard of candidate, and will literally take any lunatic willing to toe the hateful line. Meanwhile, Pauline rails against the aforementioned parliamentary privilege abuses of her colleagues in the more established parties, while using federal taxpayers’ money to campaign for One Nation across Queensland on a state level. We don’t like it, when politicians play at our worst instincts to distract from the obvious fact that they’re engaging in nothing more than a power play.

shan+ju+lin+gay

Trump probably likes being pissed on: the Russians have evidence of this and they’re using it to blackmail him into being a Manchurian Candidate. Fortunately for you, we’re not held by the same journalistic standards of the big mastheads, and we can go with our guts, or bladders, on matters like this. From what we know from movies like 50 Shades of Grey, and a limited incursion into the Gold Coast swingers scene, usually old, rich, gross white men are those with a greater predilection to be whipped, beaten, walked over and pissed on. Is there anyone older, richer, grosser and whiter than Don T? Probs, because he ain’t that rich, and he’s more orange than white, but regardless – he totally fits the pissophiliac profile.

Gut feelings aside, it seems like the source of the briefing is held in very high esteem in the intelligence world, the allegations somewhat explain Trump’s bizarre pro-Russian line, and the allegations were given enough credence to be addressed by security agencies in the United States and abroad.

And as if life hadn’t already handed them more than their fare share of crook hands,  the world’s most vulnerable people, seeking safe asylum in an increasingly hostile Western world, have recently fallen foul of Siberian air coming down and driving Greek temperatures down as low as -15. It seems like the universe isn’t interested in giving these people a break, so maybe it’s finally time we did.

What did we miss? What do you disagree with? What would you like to hear more about? Light up the comments and let us know!

*Don’t get your hopes up.

Ex-editor of Australia’s Surfing Life, current producer and host of 50 Fiestas, Barcelona resident and drinker of all the wine, every last drop of it.