Socks in the Shower
You’ve booked your trip months in advance, you’ve got your shots, you’ve told everyone about it practically every day on the lead up, but for some unknown reason you’ve left packing until the night before. You’re not even rushing either; you’re playing it cool. You’ve put on some Nu Metal while you saunter around packing everything you need:
- Those pants you bought in Thailand
- That bandana that you never wear at home
There, all done! You chuck your passport in your rucksack and pile it at the front door. In the morning you wake up late, eat a banana and get your mum or some other sucker to drive you to the airport.
You land in Paris and check into the dankest hostel you can find near Gare de Lyon. It may smell wet and the colour scheme may be reminiscent of sun and sunburn, but it’s quite cheap, so you don’t mind. You chuck your rucksack on possibly the ricketiest bunk bed in all of mainland Europe, and grab what you need to freshen up. Out comes your towel, some new underwear and some Lynx Shower Gel you got from one of your aunties who doesn’t love you enough to know what kind of present to buy you. But where are your thongs? That’s right, you left them behind because you didn’t time manage well. Shame.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “I don’t want to get tinea. What can I wear on my feet?” You see the pack of condoms you’ve (very hopefully) put in your toiletries bag. You stare at the box, then stare at your feet. “I mean, it could work,” you think to yourself.
Then a pair of socks rolls out of your bag disrupting that very intelligent thought. You take the socks and the other shower necessities and make your way to the bathroom. The floor is already soaked, and you’re not quite sure if it’s from the shower cubicles to the right or the toilet cubicles to the left. You try not to think about it. However, you can’t stop thinking about how drenched your feet are already. You probably already have tinea. You’re done for.
Once again, you try and ignore it. After wading your way through the water and into the shower cubicle, you strip and slip on your super protective “shower socks.” You are a genius.
But are you? No. Definitely not. Here’s why…
- The wet socks will increase any irritation and may cause new kinds of irritation on your feet.
- You can still acquire tinea through the socks.
- You look like an absolute dick – if anyone sees you in this state, say goodbye to any party invites or potential hook ups you might have had on the cards. Also, as an extension of this, do not tell people about it.
- Those bad boys will take an eternity to dry, and if you have to move quickly and resort to chucking them in your dirty laundry, you will have a bag that stinks and basically wet everything. That smell will not come out easily.
So there it is. Just don’t do it. If you forget your thongs and you can’t buy new ones for some particular reason, just go for the all natural and hope for the best. Or there are always those condoms. You probably weren’t going to use them anyway, let’s be honest.
Cover by AZ Socks
Grant Ryan runs the amazing Good Goon Guide – essential reading for any goon connoisseur who wishes to learn how to incorporate the sacred beverage into every meal.