Enough of your #Wanderlust

Enough of your #Wanderlust

In a society convinced of its own self-importance and obsessed with image, Instagram rules. Go see a band and count how many people have their phones out, chucking a filter over the stage. Go to breakfast and see how many people simply eat without documenting its deliciousness. Go to a fucking funeral and check out the #funeralselfies (you people are the worst).

funeral selfie

For those of you that have somehow stayed away from the pull of the little orange hearts, let me summarise what you are missing out on:

  • Photos of your friend’s smashed avo at [insert minimalist café name here];
  • Your friends religiously “regraming” posts from fashion stores they will never buy from, but follow anyway because of the stores innate ability to understand their relationship with both men and food; and finally…
  • #wanderlust.

Travel quotes plastered across blue waters or cloudy skies are as common a sighting as a guitar at a bonfire, and just as cliché and irritating.

For no reason other than to have a laugh, here are the most over used and over-rated travel slogans. If you’ve ever hashtagged #wanderlust, call yourself a gypsy or are one of 24.5 thousand people following happsters on Instagram, stop reading now.

hands

1. quit job

This one starts off great. Fuck your job off – you don’t need it, it needs you! Damn the goddamn man! Buy a ticket – so ditch all commitments and head off into the exciting unknown… sounds great! But then it starts to dishevel like a chick mid-break up with a bottle of wine. Fall in love? Aren’t we getting rid of commitments? Your Lonely Planet needs to be updated to tell you falling in love in a hostel will only end in tears and chlamydia. And get a tan? Oh, that’s healthy. I was under the impression melanomas went out of style in the 80s. Add to that your newfound chlamydia, and this advice is fucking awful.

2. go

You CAN go your own way. Wanna know the best way to start? It’s not by regramming someone else’s image.

3.  everywhere

The obvious “everywhere isn’t a place and you’re just trying to be witty” aside, in reality, do you really want to go everywhere? Who wants to be like that young British kid just trying to tick every box to make a point rather than ever actually experiencing anything?

Don’t #wanderlust quotes always tell us travel is about the journey not the destination and travellers have no set plans or some shit? Having a list to go everywhere sounds pretty damn planny for me…

4.  twain

In a Utopian world this is true, but have you ever been to Kuta? Bintang-bearing bogans will make you beg to differ.

5. modest

Does it? Or does it make one travel-arrogant: telling others how their trips should go, scoffing at tourists who make itineraries and visit hotspots and writing off internet quotes that aim to inspire people to step out of their comfort zone and onto a plane…

Cover by Luzia Pimpinella