I  Make Airports my Bitch

I Make Airports my Bitch

Just like almost all of Generation Y, I love to travel. I love flying (I’m on a plane right now as I type). I love aeroplanes, and I freakin’ love airports. Airports. Those congested, cold, clinical hubs of human hostility. You either love them or hate them. I’m here to spread the love.

I will gladly get to the airport two hours before a domestic flight. Not because I’m paranoid about missing it – oh no, but because the airport is a buffet of free things fit for a King, Queen, or indeed, a hobo.

I have just spent two hours at Sydney domestic terminal (T2 – I don’t have the money to fly QANTAS domestically) before a flight to Brisbane. After sending a message to the life-giver, aka my mum, to let her know I’m at the airport, and that no nasty troll on the Newcastle – Sydney train service abducted or abused me, I headed to check-in.

Enter perk number one.

You’re early. So early that you’re first at the check-in counter. Now, you, of all people, will be offered extra leg room, and/or your choice of aisle or window seat. Proof of this? I am now sitting in seat 1C. Yes, that’s right, I’ll be first off the plane, thanks for asking. NB: By checking in online, or at a kiosk yourself, you miss this opportunity. For international flights, you’ll also miss out on a chance to be upgraded from economy to business.

So you’ve checked in, passed security, and have a whole lot of time to kill. Ladies (or gents, whatever), find a beauty counter. Benefit is my personal favourite, as the girls working the counter are a lot less intimidating than the Clinique folk. This morning, I was lucky enough to be asked if I wanted my make-up done. This bitch read my mind. Otherwise, just ask. If you feel awkward, try, “Can I just try out this blush/highlighter/bronzer/concealer?’ and ka-ching, you’ll be sat down and swabbed with product. Alternatively, use the testers and apply yourself. Have no shame. After your little makeover, you’ll be feeling fresh and fancy (a rarity for some). This is especially nice if you’re visiting your long-distance lover, or if you’re too cheap to buy your own make up.

Spritz some perfume while you’re in the beauty section, too. Lads, a little cologne goes a long way. Now the person seated next to you on your flight won’t loathe you for smelling like you haven’t showered in days – even if it’s true.

Now, my next tip is locate food. Not pay for food – hell no, just locate it. If you’re lucky, there will be some nice promotional people at a stand serving samples of beer and wine. TAKE ONE. Hell; stop, chat, flirt… take two. Take as many as their RSA will allow you to before you get drunk and disorderly.

Chocolate or chip (and/or chocolate chip) samples are also something to take advantage of.

Alright, so you’ve exhausted all of your options here. Head to your gate, sit down, find a power outlet if you need to, and hack that WiFi baby. Most airports will have free WiFi, unless they are capitalist monsters. But if you see some other human with a  sweet WiFi connection, get amongst it. Ask them kindly what network they’re connected to, and if there is a password. Remember that no one is too proud to ask for free internet. No one.

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